Recently surfing the television after an overnight stay in the hospital; the phrase “There is no “present” like that of time,” caught my attention. Honestly, how many times have you told yourself to “be in the moment”, “slow down,” “take life one day at a time,” “focus on the present” etc.. Before I was diagnosed, I’m confident that I muttered these phrases to myself all the time. But the reality was I was most likely doing 5 other things as I uttered these simple reminders.
After what seems to have been a very short summer, I sat and thought about all the things that I did and asked myself if I really have taken advantage of the “present” of time that I have been granted. As mentioned in prior blogs, according to my doctors, my time was up. I really didn’t think that I was going to see my children start another grade in school, or see summer turn into fall. For some reason I have been presented with the gift of TIME. I saw my grandmother turn 101 years old, I have watched my Dad deal with his own cancer diagnosis and continue to kick-ass on his chemo treatments, I have witnessed how much my Mom loves my Dad as she cares for him, helps my other grandmother leave her apartment of 30+ years and move into assisted living, I have really noticed how my husband really listens to our children and how much they feel safe and protected by him, I have spent time building tighter bonds with my siblings and scheduling plans or keeping up communications with friends that truly understand what is going on with the changes in my life and except without question what I am capable of doing moment to moment and I have been able to spend more time with my kids and hopefully imprint my beliefs, passion, and love of life to them.
Every day I look at my calendar to see what is the best way to use my energy. I refuse to let my “condition” govern how I use my time. The only advantage I have over others is that I know my “present” of time is dwindling. But having this insight allows me to take control of the how and why I choose the activities that I participate. Having the knowledge that time will not always be a present gives me the confidence to nourish my relationships, move more slowly throughout the day so I can relish the moment and create the memory, not rush to get the next errand checked off my list, make mistakes, and do what I really love.
While at the beach this summer and while attending my kids summer sports tournaments I was obsessed with taking pictures. I wanted to freeze these moments in time so they could see how they looked at this age while playing. But then I remembered that while I am rushing to get the best angle, and setting up the camera, checking the lighting, I have missed the moment. I have missed the conversations around me, I have missed watching them actually play. And my kids may have been watching me “miss” their moment of assisting with a goal, or jumping that wave or doing a cartwheel on the beach. So many times we miss that moment while we are trying to capture it on film. Time in the present really is a present and the best picture we can take is the one that remains ingrained in our hearts and our brains. Appreciate & recognize your gift of time when it presents itself – be selfish with it and find joy from it!
Keep on CaringOn!!